We Are All Social Creatures…

Life is so funny. I was literally at a place where I had been rejected by every agency and I told my friend that I didn’t think the “modeling thing” was for me. I was about to quit my dream and do something practical. My back up plan…a career as a graphic designer, full time and no BS. Thank God for being a friend and an answer to my prayers.

Shortly after I stopped trying to do things my way and allowed God to take over. I got an agency, then comes my commercial. LOOK AT GOD! There is beauty in the struggle. It made everything worth it. It’s not over by a long shot, but it fueled my fire. I got to eat my commercial principal sandwich! I am grateful because I could still be in that place trying to figure out what to do with my life. I am grateful for all my supportive friends who push me to be better when I want to give up.

An older gentlemen, who is an actor, gave me some great advice. He told me to know that what’s meant to happen will happen. Don’t fret about parts or roles that you don’t get because those weren’t for you. What God has for you is for you. 😉

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We Are All Social Creatures

To Finally…

have someone who believes in you and it still undermines who you are. It brings forth the question, how much will you sacrifice for your dream? Here it is, staring me in the face in tangible form and I can’t do it. I can’t sell my self for such a low price just for a title.

I have given it too much importance. A title shouldn’t define who you are, but yet not having it has affected me. Not good. Note to self: Trust the Dream Giver especially in dealings with your dreams.

something (give them roses)

This beautiful note was written by Cedrina Burroughs, my very talented friend. This has been a blessing for me. Enjoy Mother’s Day, but don’t forget. 

something (give them roses)

I was reminded the other day while talking with a friend who lost her mother at the tender age of 23 that I take things for granted

she juggled coursework and deadlines for a degree as her mother’s health decreased

and finished

if for no other reason than to let her mother bare witness to an achievement she’d preached for the longest

she wanted her mother to pass being proud even if it meant for one last time

her mother managed to crack a smile through pain

her eyes glistened as she saw her daughter do something she had not

as our conversation was over I begin to realize i do indeed take things for granted even if sometimes unintentionally

simple things like being able to call my mother

and having her here

being able to go home for a hug just to inhale her presence

be reminded of her smile, her love

in the present

being able to make her proud still even when I stumble

she’s there

here arms wide open to embrace me and tell me it’s okay

i begin to see that my friend doesn’t have that and she’s miles away

living in a city of lost angels as her mother watches from heaven’s suites reserved for her

just too soon

at least for her, my friend

and i can’t imagine what it’s like

and all i think is that she shouldn’t have to either

but then again there are plans bigger than what we know, what we can comprehend

as she’s chasing her dreams and finding her way

journeying through adventures

i sense her smile though conversations we share more than i do defeat

as she graces through hard times and misfortunate events

and sees the silver lining in the midst of everything

i chalk it up as her mother’s guidance from afar

while she credits it as God’s unconditional love

they’re tag teaming from the sky

they get her thru

when she sends her prayers up

i can imagine her mom still sending hers, too

they just get there faster

the lesson of being thankful right now, right here when i think i’ve nothing is one Jana has taught me

and she doesn’t even know

i haven’t found the right words, a simple “thank you”  would be enough, i suppose

i just wish there were more

and i’m sure she wishes there was more time than what her mother was given here in earthly flesh

but since there isn’t, she makes it her duty to suggest that my mother gets her roses now

so i do

my hugs have become a little longer in its embrace

and visits… i tend to stay a little longer

because i realize that forever is only blink away

but the memories i build will be there when she has to close her eyes, that final goodbye

i don’t fancy thinking about that in the now

it’s just a page i’ll turn when this chapter is over

right now… i’ll just enjoy the stories being written, record some through poem

and smile while giving my mother her roses now

The Truth Is…

I am terrified…TERRIFIED! I am in a place where I can finally pursue something wholeheartedly and that scares me. Before, I always could say its my job or circumstance that’s hindering me. There was always an excuse, but now I don’t have a valid one.

I’ve been giving plenty of signs that this is right, but nonetheless, I am scared. I can’t and won’t allow my fear to stop me…not this time. I will not give fear that much power over my life. I will push through…

He Restores…

I had such a beautiful dream this morning. I dreamed of my aunt(deceased). We were at her home to which she brought presents and cake for me. She was known for her delicious cake.

I opened my box of presents and noticed that they ranged from old to new. For example, there was an old cordless phone and a new leather jacket. It looked like she gave me everything that she had wanted to over the years…the dream was such a beautiful way for God to say he restores the years.