something (give them roses)

This beautiful note was written by Cedrina Burroughs, my very talented friend. This has been a blessing for me. Enjoy Mother’s Day, but don’t forget. 

something (give them roses)

I was reminded the other day while talking with a friend who lost her mother at the tender age of 23 that I take things for granted

she juggled coursework and deadlines for a degree as her mother’s health decreased

and finished

if for no other reason than to let her mother bare witness to an achievement she’d preached for the longest

she wanted her mother to pass being proud even if it meant for one last time

her mother managed to crack a smile through pain

her eyes glistened as she saw her daughter do something she had not

as our conversation was over I begin to realize i do indeed take things for granted even if sometimes unintentionally

simple things like being able to call my mother

and having her here

being able to go home for a hug just to inhale her presence

be reminded of her smile, her love

in the present

being able to make her proud still even when I stumble

she’s there

here arms wide open to embrace me and tell me it’s okay

i begin to see that my friend doesn’t have that and she’s miles away

living in a city of lost angels as her mother watches from heaven’s suites reserved for her

just too soon

at least for her, my friend

and i can’t imagine what it’s like

and all i think is that she shouldn’t have to either

but then again there are plans bigger than what we know, what we can comprehend

as she’s chasing her dreams and finding her way

journeying through adventures

i sense her smile though conversations we share more than i do defeat

as she graces through hard times and misfortunate events

and sees the silver lining in the midst of everything

i chalk it up as her mother’s guidance from afar

while she credits it as God’s unconditional love

they’re tag teaming from the sky

they get her thru

when she sends her prayers up

i can imagine her mom still sending hers, too

they just get there faster

the lesson of being thankful right now, right here when i think i’ve nothing is one Jana has taught me

and she doesn’t even know

i haven’t found the right words, a simple “thank you”  would be enough, i suppose

i just wish there were more

and i’m sure she wishes there was more time than what her mother was given here in earthly flesh

but since there isn’t, she makes it her duty to suggest that my mother gets her roses now

so i do

my hugs have become a little longer in its embrace

and visits… i tend to stay a little longer

because i realize that forever is only blink away

but the memories i build will be there when she has to close her eyes, that final goodbye

i don’t fancy thinking about that in the now

it’s just a page i’ll turn when this chapter is over

right now… i’ll just enjoy the stories being written, record some through poem

and smile while giving my mother her roses now

The Truth Is…

I am terrified…TERRIFIED! I am in a place where I can finally pursue something wholeheartedly and that scares me. Before, I always could say its my job or circumstance that’s hindering me. There was always an excuse, but now I don’t have a valid one.

I’ve been giving plenty of signs that this is right, but nonetheless, I am scared. I can’t and won’t allow my fear to stop me…not this time. I will not give fear that much power over my life. I will push through…

The Darkness…

I have been catching up on one of my favorite shows, Dexter. Season 6, episode 6 is called “Let it Go.” Not to be a spoiler if you haven’t seen it, but it dealt with forgiveness. Dexter was angry about the shooting of Brother Sam, but in his final breath Brother Sam told Dexter to forgive the guy and not kill him. Of course, this isn’t something that is easy for Dexter at all. Brother Sam was encouraging him to not let the darkness take over.

Which brings me to my thoughts for this blog, there is darkness inside all of us, especially when we don’t forgive others. If we hold on to hate and vengefulness towards someone we allow the darkness to control us. Dexter isn’t a terrible person; he kills “bad people.” What is terrible is that Dexter can’t let go and forgive. Like Dexter, I struggle with this as well. I pray about it, but it is my struggle. So there is that darkness trying to cover my light.

I want to get to a point where I can say I forgive you and most of the people I haven’t forgiven are pretty aware of my feelings towards them because I have cut them off. At least two of you I would love to break your jaw (the darkness speaking). My list is short, but still it shouldn’t exist. Carrying resentment isn’t healthy and most of the time the people who you feel it towards could care less. They are probably making someone else miserable or just maybe they are a better person now. Regardless, you have to make sure that you are aligned with God and dwelling with the darkness won’t allow that.

If I Have To…

I will eat ramen noodles, sleep in crappy studio apartments and whatever it takes to get where I wanna be. You have to be willing to struggle. What’s a victory without a fight? People will say no they will say it nicely and they will say it in a way to make you cry, but you have to keep going. Someone will say yes and that’s all you need. Network, Network, Network!! Make real life connections and don’t be fake. Keep your faith and never compromise your beliefs for anything. Be able to say NO even if you are afraid to. Stay focused, it’s easy to get distracted by parties or whatever. Hard work is the only way you can achieve success! Think for yourself, regardless to what others believe do what’s best for you. They may even try to fight you (lol) but don’t let that stop you from making the choices that you feel will help you achieve your goals. FIGHT!!

There Ain’t…

nothing left here for me. People say I need to stay home and rest. They had a problem with me going out after my mother’s death. What exactly do you suggest that I stay home for? Who am I coming home to? My life is being lead in a different direction it’s time for me to take hold of my destiny and it ain’t in the house.