What happened to July?

Well, July was epic in a bad way…but I could understand why it was happening. My dog got deathly sick and from there it was a chain reaction of unfortunate events.

I’m gonna be a beast at problem solving due to the plethora of problems I face. I accept my training and learn my lessons.

Asset Vs Liability

You are either one or the other. You’ll either add value to my life or take it away. All those who take it away won’t be apart of it. Life is just too short to spend it with people who are wasteful and toxic.

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”- Steve Jobs

Stuck In 2010…

For those who know me personally, you know that 2010 was a very tough year for me. I lost my mother, uncle, and grandfather from October ’til December. Actually, I had a death for each month. This was among other things that were going on, such as being a full-time college student fighting for my degree.

I have since moved to California to start my life over with new opportunities and a positive mindset. The transition wasn’t drama free and new revelations about people I’d known most of my life (or so I thought) were revealed. Yet and still, I persevered.

Today, I can look back at my life and see where I have made great progress towards my goals. I’m not where I want to be, but I’m getting somewhere. There is just one thing I feel is holding me back.

I’m stuck in 2010. I swear. I don’t feel like I can fully move on from the events of that year. The feelings, the anger, the pain, the regret…are all still there. People say give yourself time, but I question whether it will help.

I never expected to be the same person after the dust settled, but my God. I don’t expect to ever forget. I feel like I moved into a new home, but in the back of the house there’s a room filled with all things I hated about 2010. The door is locked and I can’t find the key to clean it out.

I know these events have shaped me into the person I am today. I am definitely stronger and more resilient than ever before. But, I want that room cleaned and only left with things beautiful.

Sometimes It’s Best…

to just grab your bags and walk away. Take that leap of faith and know that God will guide you on your journey, especially when your destination is your destiny. Things may not always go as planned; personal goals may not always be achieved, but only because something bigger and better is in the works. Never allow fear of the unknown to stop you from your dreams.

Yes, it is easier said that done, but why are you looking for the easy way out? There is beauty in the struggle. I repeat; there is beauty in the struggle. I look back at my life and I am proud of me. Everything that I have overcome and every goal I have achieved, its all a growing process.

Photo by Ashley Turner

Photo by Ashley Turner

I Danced…

Let me tell you that this was terrifying. When I booked the gig, I had no idea I was dancing. Then, Fatima Robinson walked in and ish…got…real…

Overall, I had a great time performing with Janelle Monae…who does that?? I love her! They did my hair and make-up in Janelle Monae fashion and I got my life. Pictures below. 🙂

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Where’s Jana??

something (give them roses)

This beautiful note was written by Cedrina Burroughs, my very talented friend. This has been a blessing for me. Enjoy Mother’s Day, but don’t forget. 

something (give them roses)

I was reminded the other day while talking with a friend who lost her mother at the tender age of 23 that I take things for granted

she juggled coursework and deadlines for a degree as her mother’s health decreased

and finished

if for no other reason than to let her mother bare witness to an achievement she’d preached for the longest

she wanted her mother to pass being proud even if it meant for one last time

her mother managed to crack a smile through pain

her eyes glistened as she saw her daughter do something she had not

as our conversation was over I begin to realize i do indeed take things for granted even if sometimes unintentionally

simple things like being able to call my mother

and having her here

being able to go home for a hug just to inhale her presence

be reminded of her smile, her love

in the present

being able to make her proud still even when I stumble

she’s there

here arms wide open to embrace me and tell me it’s okay

i begin to see that my friend doesn’t have that and she’s miles away

living in a city of lost angels as her mother watches from heaven’s suites reserved for her

just too soon

at least for her, my friend

and i can’t imagine what it’s like

and all i think is that she shouldn’t have to either

but then again there are plans bigger than what we know, what we can comprehend

as she’s chasing her dreams and finding her way

journeying through adventures

i sense her smile though conversations we share more than i do defeat

as she graces through hard times and misfortunate events

and sees the silver lining in the midst of everything

i chalk it up as her mother’s guidance from afar

while she credits it as God’s unconditional love

they’re tag teaming from the sky

they get her thru

when she sends her prayers up

i can imagine her mom still sending hers, too

they just get there faster

the lesson of being thankful right now, right here when i think i’ve nothing is one Jana has taught me

and she doesn’t even know

i haven’t found the right words, a simple “thank you”  would be enough, i suppose

i just wish there were more

and i’m sure she wishes there was more time than what her mother was given here in earthly flesh

but since there isn’t, she makes it her duty to suggest that my mother gets her roses now

so i do

my hugs have become a little longer in its embrace

and visits… i tend to stay a little longer

because i realize that forever is only blink away

but the memories i build will be there when she has to close her eyes, that final goodbye

i don’t fancy thinking about that in the now

it’s just a page i’ll turn when this chapter is over

right now… i’ll just enjoy the stories being written, record some through poem

and smile while giving my mother her roses now

It Doesn’t Always…

make sense in the beginning, but eventually it does. There have been so many things that I wanted to happen and I understand why they couldn’t and I am glad they didn’t. My moves are more calculated and my steps are more guided. I thank you Lord for wisdom.