Signs of A Change Nearing

I find myself more impatient lately. Wanting things to happen quickly, but time is moving fast enough. I have less time and a more hectic schedule.  I am yet changing again and welcoming the change. I yearn for the future with great desire to live my life after this metamorphosis. People have been telling me without intentionally telling me that it is time to go and move into new beginnings.  I hear them and my spirit is unsettled; therefore I pray and listen in the silence. Phrases such as “Live Free” and “You know you have to leave” have been said to me within a week radius. These phrases are from the mouths of those who don’t know my struggles, my destination, or myself.

 It is so intriguing to me how the answers to your questions and prayer are usually there all along it’s just when will you listen and accept them. I don’t have everything figured out. I have a plan, but plans don’t always work out. I can at least try. True, I could fail miserably, but I could also succeed greatly. I have failed before, that feeling is a familiar pain. So, if I am to fail that only means that God has a different plan, other than the one I am following and that’s cool.  My desire is to do God’s Will as long as I am following the plan he has for me; I am good.

Doors have been constantly closed in my face this month. I have heard the word NO and YOU CANT quite frequently this month. It is very frustrating, but I will continue to find that cracked door or unlocked window. There has to be more out there for me. It’s like a scavenger hunt or a maze. I will continue to search and fight through my impediment.  The road is long and narrow, I fall, I get back up, I fall, I get back up, I fall, I get back up…. Each step is a little closer; there is light in the midst of the black, dark night. I just know there is…

Thoughts Before Sunrise

I was thinking that our times together are few. We should enjoy each moment as if it was our last. Savor it. Enjoy those you love and care about and never miss the moment to in someway show your affection for them. We should put behind squabbles and trivial disputes and just enjoy each other. Your life, our life…will only occur once. Let’s enjoy it.

I wish I could vomit emotions. You know…everytime I felt something that I didn’t want to whether it was pain, sadness, despair, or whatever. I wish I could easily get rid of it by vomiting it and flushing the toliet.

School Sucks

Yep, I have felt this way since kindergarten. It all starts again tomorrow. I can’t wait until it’s over so I can go to the school I really want. It’s like it won’t end! Oh and those freaking prerequisites!! Why can’t I decide if I am ready to take a class or not? I am surely paying for it, I should have that right. BUT it will indeed end. Gnomon, I am sooo coming for you. Get ready! Get ready!

The Curious Case of 2009

benjamin-button-booknewI just finished watching what I think was an awesome movie, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. A lot of times we complain about growing old, gaining wrinkles, and deteriorating. Imagine growing younger, starting life as an old person and growing younger each year. During this time everyone around you is growing older aging, no longer as active, but you are becoming stronger.

I think I would rather get old, I don’t see the excitement in getting younger while everyone around me is aging and dying. Growing old with the people you love can be a beautiful thing. Watching them grow, learn, develop, and mature as well as watch the seasons change and the sunrise and sunset.  Maybe a couple of wrinkles and a few gray hairs won’t be that bad. I think it is better than going back to being young and dumb.

It’s almost 2009; I am a senior in college preparing to continue to grow older and wiser. I am not a resolution type of person because I think resolutions are a load of crap. A new year shouldn’t mean change for you or success. I think that is something we should be striving for all along. This year I will only continue to fight for more success, learn from the mistakes of 2008, and refuse to make them again.

As I reflect, it was about 4 years ago that I was graduating from high school and now it’s about time to graduate from college. Who would have thunk it? Time has been moving so fast and life has been changing quickly. Now, the only decision that needs to be mad is am I going to sit back and watch life or am I going to live it?

Benjamin Button’s life was full life, overcompensated with adventure and travels. Besides the growing younger thing (which really wasn’t that different from growing old) he had a pretty good life. Everyone’s life has struggles, mishaps, and tragedies. Perception is key; it is all in how we perceive things.

The countdown has begun and the confetti has dropped. People around the neighborhood are shooting fireworks and guns, while I am sitting on the couch in a tranquil state. I am thinking about tomorrow; I am more concerned with tomorrow. How will my life be different tomorrow? What will I do that will make life better when the celebration is over and everyone begins to return to their usual routines? How will I be different? That is where I am right now.