Strength Within Me…

Yeah, Yeah, Yeah. I got a lot to do and I am booked like a library right now, but I NEED to write something other than these 10 papers. God is preparing me for my future, there will be tasks ahead that will require me to be balanced and able to handle high stress situations quickly and effectively.

I knew this when I decided to commit to being an artist. It is that reoccurring lesson that will reoccur until I learn adequately. People develop at different rates, I must be patient. I am SO tired and I want to push everything and everyone away, but I am fighting. GOD will give me the strength I need.

Things aren’t going the way I planned, but as long as they are going the way GOD has planned them…I will be ok. Bear with me my friends and family…know that you are loved because I know that I am.

So…

When am I going to learn this reoccurring lesson so that I can stop reliving this life? Also, when will people realize that it is not my job to bring them out of their circumstances? When will I realize that THAT is not my job? That is a great deal of pressure to carry knowing that everyone is depending on you to be the one to make it. I will be what God wants me to be and nothing more. I am sorry for those who will be disappointed as I continue through this journey. I will do my best and do my better. Ugh, my neck is so tense right now. Back to the papers… I will remain strong, regardless.

Randomly Juxtaposed

I don’t know anymore.

Everything is changing. Change is good, but I worry about losing sense of self. Is that self worth holding on to or should I let it go?

Life is rather peculiar; it’s full of twists and turns and labyrinths.

My decision-making skills aren’t at their best. Mistake prone, but I am learning. I choose not to deal with things today, maybe tomorrow. Tomorrow is not promised, so I risk regret.

I know things I didn’t think I knew or have chosen to pretend to block from memory until they expose themselves. I also realize that I don’t know as much as I think. I am in class, but it doesn’t seem to matter.

I watch her and can feel her sadness when she enters the room; I digress. Does that make me a bad person?

I question my religion does that make me a non-believer or an explorer? A vacation would be nice, but am I willing to vacate?

Words come with my emotions; I search for them when there is none to best describe my feelings.

Sleep…or the lack there of… inability to focus while knowing the consequences…just deal with it. As a child I didn’t like to sleep; I felt like I was missing out on life. What now? My internal questioning process prevails.

Decisions, decisions, choices and more choices…I choose to keep fighting and searching, regardless.

No more complaining

If you don’t like the way your life is or the way someone else chooses to live their life…leave. If a person doesn’t want to change, you can’t make them. Put up with it or let it go. Do your best to be the best in all situations, even those that are most unfortunate.