For those who know me personally, you know that 2010 was a very tough year for me. I lost my mother, uncle, and grandfather from October ’til December. Actually, I had a death for each month. This was among other things that were going on, such as being a full-time college student fighting for my degree.
I have since moved to California to start my life over with new opportunities and a positive mindset. The transition wasn’t drama free and new revelations about people I’d known most of my life (or so I thought) were revealed. Yet and still, I persevered.
Today, I can look back at my life and see where I have made great progress towards my goals. I’m not where I want to be, but I’m getting somewhere. There is just one thing I feel is holding me back.
I’m stuck in 2010. I swear. I don’t feel like I can fully move on from the events of that year. The feelings, the anger, the pain, the regret…are all still there. People say give yourself time, but I question whether it will help.
I never expected to be the same person after the dust settled, but my God. I don’t expect to ever forget. I feel like I moved into a new home, but in the back of the house there’s a room filled with all things I hated about 2010. The door is locked and I can’t find the key to clean it out.
I know these events have shaped me into the person I am today. I am definitely stronger and more resilient than ever before. But, I want that room cleaned and only left with things beautiful.